She could not look in the mirror.

Even now, safe in her room in Sharlayan, Shiun could not stop thinking of all that had unfolded in Garlemald. And the moon. But particularly Garlemald, when Zenos had taken over that which she had thought inviolate.

She shuddered, wrapping her arms around her chest defensively. Fandaniel was gone, and there was no method now by which she could be so violated, but it haunted her still. Watching her own body move to strike at her friends… It was intolerable. She had prevailed, and by some miracle no one had been hurt, but she could feel no triumph.

When she looked in the mirror, all she saw was his terrible smirk on her own lips.

No more… please… Even her mind seemed against her. Shiun dug her nails into the meat of her upper arms. She needed an escape. Something physical, and thoroughly distracting. Something…

There was a knock at her door.

Only one person would be calling on her at that hour. Shiun breathed out slowly, fighting to calm herself as she moved to open the door. For him, she could make the effort. The comfort of his presence would be worth it.

As expected, G’raha stood on the other side. There was no mistaking the worry beneath his anxious fidgeting as he faced her. “Oh,” he began as she opened the door, “apologies. I-I didn’t mean to…” He cleared his throat, straightening a little. “If you could spare a moment before bed…”

Shiun didn’t trust her voice. She nodded wordlessly.

He seemed to relax a trifle, smiling at her. “Thank you. I fear this may be the last quiet night we have to talk for quite some time.” He regarded her with a steady gaze then. “I am… troubled, of late. Unwarranted concerns, perhaps. I hope. Nevertheless, I feel compelled to share them with you.”

A little sliver of alarm wormed its way into her thoughts. What could be causing G’raha trouble?

He didn’t pause for a response. “Though you have bested your enemies thus far – Zenos, and even Zodiark – your victories have come at a considerable cost to yourself.” There was no mistaking the worry in his tone. “No one is without their limits – and you are no exception.” He lowered his gaze, raising a hand to his heart. “I worry the added weight of the Final Days will prove more than you can bear.”

Oh. She should have known. Of course G’raha Tia would worry more for her at a time like this than for himself. He was always so selfless in that way. Shiun’s fingers tightened on the door handle. This was part of what made him so damnably endearing.

She wanted… oh, she wanted… and she was not sure what, precisely, it was that she wanted. The sense of disconnected yearning hung heavily over her mind.

“It is surely too much for any one woman…” He was still speaking, and with that, he raised his head again, eyes bright with determination. “But you needn’t bear it alone. Let me share your burden.”

Share… Shiun drew in a long breath, welcoming the clarity that the cool air brought into her. She so rarely considered sharing her burdens with anyone, but… Well. Once upon a time, she had spilled her thoughts to the Exarch endlessly on the streets of the Crystarium. But now, when she needed something – something tangible, she was not certain if she could ask it of him.

G’raha was still talking, blissfully unaware of her inner struggles. “My, um… carrying capacity pales in comparison to yours, but I could still help.” His smile was earnest. “Should the occasional satchel from your ever-growing mountain of, um… baggage.”

That smile. Shiun could not resist a small tentative one of her own in return, feeling warmth spill out from her chest at the sight. He was really so endearing. So… so handsome. She could never deny it, the attraction she had always felt for him. Much as she would like to. But now…

Now she ached, and it was not simple want. She needed.

“You have already done so much to help relieve me of mine own encumbrances,” G’raha continued, and there was such fondness in his eyes now, she could not bear it. “‘Tis only fair that I repay you in kind.” His smile tipped up at one corner. “Of course, it needn’t be only troubles we share.”

That was it. She could not help herself any longer. Shiun stepped forward abruptly, reaching out to grab his wrist in desperation.

G’raha started, blinking at her for a moment as if unsure where the interruption had come from. He glanced down at his wrist, then back up to her, confusion apparent in his eyes. “Shiun? What – ?”

“Stay with me,” she blurted out, too frantic to be embarrassed. “Please. Just for tonight. I need…” She could not articulate what she needed, so she shook her head. “You claim that you wish to share my burdens, so do this for me. Stay.”

His mouth fell open, and then abruptly shut, sudden spots of red rising on his cheeks. “For the night? I…” He looked away from her, posture stiffening. “Are you truly aware of what you’re asking?”

His reaction wasn’t entirely unexpected, and she knew exactly what he was getting at. The flush on his face spoke volumes, in addition to being straight out of her fantasies. Inviting another adult alone into her room overnight was certainly improper, but Shiun was beyond caring at that moment.

No. No, actually, she wanted improper.

She wanted him, in every improper way she could get him. And damn whatever consequences came of it.

She gazed up at those beautiful crimson eyes, feeling wild and bold. “I am.” She tugged at his wrist and said again, more firmly, “Stay.“

His gaze shot up to meet hers again, and something in his eyes wavered with some unknown emotion. His lips parted again, but nothing came out. When she tugged again, he allowed himself to be pulled into her room. She gave the door a push and it shut firmly behind them.

G’raha was fidgeting, his free hand picking at the laces of the bracer on his other. His face was bright red, and he was studiously looking anywhere but at her. “You,” he started, and then swallowed hard and licked his lips before trying again. “You needn’t – “

Shiun was done with hesitation – done with inaction. Just done. The sight of that pink tongue darting out to wet his plush lips lit a fire in her belly that could not be extinguished. Without releasing him, she stepped in and reached up to tilt his head down, bringing her lips to his.

The initial touch felt electrical – if only for the sheer amount of time she had held herself back from doing just this. His mouth was soft against hers, and she could feel the little stutter in his breath against her cheek.

For a moment, they stayed just like that, completely still.

The tiny rational corner of Shiun’s brain was starting to sound off alarm bells, frantically warning her that there was a very real possibility that he didn’t think of her this way, and what was she doing, gods, this was insane! But the moment passed, and then G’raha was pressing back against her, his free hand trembling as he cupped her face with it, and she felt nothing but heat again.

G’raha…

He broke away from her only long enough to murmur, “Shiun,” against her lips before diving back in. She captured his lower lip between hers and ran her tongue along the curve of it, and he made a strangled little moan against her mouth, pressing in sharply. He opened his mouth, and the wet tip of his tongue brushed hers, and – oh. It felt delicious. Shiun breathed in sharply, and his scent invaded her nose: sweaty cloth and leather, a sweet masculine musk, and something uniquely him that set her heart to racing.She released his wrist to trace her fingers up along his arms, marveling at the feel of hard muscle. He was every bit as satisfying to touch as she had imagined in all her fantasies.

“So,” he breathed out between kisses, “many. Years. Waiting. Wanting.” His fingers slid along the line of her jaw, burying themselves in her hair as he cupped the back of her head and pulled her towards him. “Oh Shiun…”

There was a kind of frantic edge to his movements that had all the blood in her body rushing south. He kissed her like he intended to devour her whole, as if he’d been starved his whole life and she was his first meal. Against her face, his breathing was uneven – frenetic. When she let her eyes open a tiny bit, she could see his own tightly closed against his flushed cheeks.

Well. When it came down to it, she was no less starved for him. All those months of watching him move about as a Scion, catching him training in just his thin shirt and breeches, watching his back as he plowed through enemies with his sword and shield, and knowing – just knowing – that he slept in the Rising Stones not a few feet from her own room. She had shoved down her feelings – her desires – and now they boiled to the surface, overflowing from her chest until she felt like a fountain of pure need.

She ran her hands along his chest, savoring the firm, hard line of it beneath the cloth of his shirt. Still continuing to exchange increasingly sloppy kisses with him, she tugged his vest off the curve of his shoulders, anxious to bare him – to feel his skin beneath her fingers and press their bodies together.

G’raha made a soft sound, breaking from the kiss to press their foreheads together firmly and gaze into her eyes. “Shiun… are you… are you sure?” His pupils were blown wide beneath heavy lids, his bruised lips parted and a flush spread across his cheeks.

He looked even better than she’d imagined in her fantasies. She couldn’t have dreamed the eagerness, the urgency; how he studied her with such heat. There was no turning back, not in her mind. “I want you, G’raha.” She abandoned his vest for the moment, instead sliding his scarf from his neck and letting it drop. “Give me everything.”

He drew in a shaky breath, withdrawing his hand from the back of her head to run trembling fingers down along her neck and collarbone and pluck tentatively at the strap of her camise. “To hear you say those words… oh…” He drew back both arms to divest himself of his vest and fumble with the ties on his belt. “You’ve no idea how it inflames me.” His heavy belt hit the floor. “All that I have is yours for the taking,” he breathed ardently, and kissed her again.

That was all she needed to hear; Shiun poured herself back into the kiss, tugging at his shirt, his bracers, his pants – everything. She wanted him bare. He obliged her enthusiastically, breaking the kiss to pull his shirt over his head and tugging urgently at the ties on his bracers. She helped him, both of them pausing in intervals to kiss each other again heatedly.

When at last they were freed and fell away, she fell upon him eagerly, sliding her hands around his sides and over the sinewy muscles of his back, the smooth heat of his skin feeling delightful under her fingers. He let out a little whine against her lips and reached up to pull her camise straps from her shoulders, tugging the thin fabric down and forcing her to draw back her arms to let it drop.

In only her bralette, she felt exposed under his gaze – but rather than making her uncomfortable, it fanned the flames of her arousal even further. She reached behind herself boldly to undo the clasps, and looked up to watch his mouth fall open as she let that last piece of fabric fall.

G’raha made a sound suspiciously close to a growl. “You are so…” He reached up to cup her breasts, thumbing the hard peaks of her nipples and sending spikes of sensation through her. Shiun closed her eyes, biting her lip against a moan, and his grip tightened. “… so beautiful.” He brushed his lips over hers, running the tip of his tongue along where her teeth gripped at her bottom lip. “It almost hurts to look upon you.”

She wrapped her arms around his waist again, drawing him close, and he obliged her, sliding his hands from her breasts and up over her shoulders, allowing their naked upper bodies to press together. “So are you,” she murmured, and opened her mouth to his again.

The hot press of skin on skin was driving her insane already; Shiun was aching with need and her smalls were soaked beneath her bottoms. She nudged a knee between his, looking for friction, and he let out a rumble of a groan as her hip ground into the hard lump of his erection.

“Gods…” He pulled back, jerkily pulling at the fastenings of his pants before divesting himself of them entirely. His eyes were hot upon her and his breathing erratic. “Before I lose myself, please, allow me to taste you.” He didn’t wait for an answer before stepping forward, backing her up until her knees hit the bed. “I need it, Shiun, please.”

Oh. Just the thought of that plush mouth on her was making her loins throb. She allowed him to lower her to the mattress, shifting to accommodate him as he fell to his knees between her thighs.

“Yes.” G’raha grasped her bottoms and smalls, tugging them down to her ankles and letting them fall. He kissed a line up her thigh, leaving her squirming with anticipation and hot, urgent need. And then he took in a breath and let it out shakily before parting her slick folds with his fingers and leaning in.

Shiun could not have said whether or not he was experienced, but one thing was certain: he was enthusiastic. He licked a teasing line around her clit and she arched up into his mouth helplessly, letting out a moan as her fingers anchored in his hair just beneath his ears. His lips closed around the sensitive bud and he lathed and flicked his tongue until she was near sobbing on the bed, clutching him like a lifeline as sensation flared within her. She could feel her climax building even before he slid a finger down between her folds and pressed it inside of her, but when he drew his mouth in around her clit and sucked, at the same time crooking his finger within her, it burst free.

She pulsed around his finger, crying out and arching as pleasure spiked in her body. The waves of her orgasm flushed over her, each seeming more intense than the last, and G’raha continued to work at her until the final shuddering throb hit her and she fell back against the bed, panting.

He pulled away just as she was getting too sensitive, and she looked down in a haze of contentment in time to see him lick his lips indulgently, meeting her gaze heatedly as he did. Without thinking, she reached out for him and he came up to her full willingly, both of them climbing onto the bed and righting themselves between messy kisses.

She could taste herself on his lips. It was a strange sort of thing, but Shiun found she didn’t dislike it – particularly in the aftermath of such an intense orgasm. Feeling reckless, she reached down between his legs and slid a hand over the bulge in his shorts, and he made a strangled sort of noise against her mouth.

“We,” he managed to breath out, holding himself on his elbows above her, “needn’t… go all the way, if – if you’d rather – “

Shiun reached her other hand down to grip the base of his tail, tugging sharply. He cut himself off with a moan, eyes squeezing shut as he shuddered. “I said,” she began emphatically, “give me everything.” And she raised herself up around his head to nip at his ear.

G’raha sighed with pleasure, lowering his head to allow her to mouth at the shell of it. “Oh, thank the gods.” He nuzzled her horn, bringing his mouth down to her neck and kissing down along it. “I didn’t want you to feel obliged,” he mumbled into her skin, “but – “

She slid her hand along his cock, running a thumb over the head through the thin fabric and enjoying the way he gasped and whined in response. The fabric was already slick in that spot, and the eroticism of it was making her head spin. “You want it,” she murmured, releasing him to grasp the hem of his shorts.

“Yes.” He agreed with her readily, sucking at the skin just beneath the scales on her neck and breathing out shakily. “Desperately.” He shifted his weight to one arm and reached down with the other to help her remove the last cloth barrier between them.

“I do too,” she admitted, and as he kicked off his shorts, she had a sudden, wild urge. Surging up, she rolled him onto his back, straddling his hips. He stared up at her, momentarily taken aback, and she seized the opportunity to slide her slick folds over the heated line of his cock.

The feeling was intense; both of them moaned aloud, and she watched as he gazed up at her, crimson eyes clouded with lust. His hands came up to her sides, running greedily along her skin as those eyes took in every inch of her they could reach. Beneath her, his cock twitched; when she glanced down, there was a thin line of fluid from the head of it to his belly.

Gods, just having all of him beneath her, at her mercy… Shiun could no longer wait. She braced one hand on the bed beside his head, leaning forward and reaching down with the other to grip his cock and guide it into her.

He slipped in the first ilm, and she paused, savoring the hint of a stretch and watching with relish as he gasped and shivered beneath her. It was not enough, not even close – she wanted more sensation, more of him, within her and making her feel her own body. She wanted the pain, the pleasure – all of it. And so, without pausing to think too deeply on it, she lowered herself firmly along his cock, taking him in all the way to the root in one push.

It hurt, but the pain felt delicious. Sharp and tinged with a pleasant friction that set her nerves alight. Shiun let out a little cry as she was breached, squirming around the thickness within her, and her voice mingled with his. When she looked down, he was arched beneath her, head thrown back and mouth parted. His fingers dug into her hips, almost hard enough to bruise, and he was shaking all over. He opened his eyes partway and met her gaze, chest heaving as he panted.

She could feel the strain he was under to keep himself still for her. Shiun lifted herself minutely and sank back down, getting herself used to the bulk of him shifting within her. The pain had ebbed and was rapidly fading, and the way he shuddered and groaned beneath her was too tempting to hold back on.

“G’raha,” she breathed out, lifting herself again and letting his cock slide nearly all the way out. His body was taut with anticipation, eyes half-lidded and watching her hungrily. “Take me.” And she lowered herself back down in one sharp motion.

That was all the permission he needed; with a sound somewhere between a growl and a moan, he snapped his hips down and back up, sheathing himself yet again and groaning with satisfaction as she gasped above him. He did not stop there, either, gripping at her thighs as he began to thrust in earnest.

Shiun braced herself against the mattress on either side of his head, barely able to keep her eyes open but determined to watch his face as he took her like she had asked. The slick friction of his hard cock moving in and out of her body was immensely satisfying, and he was hitting spots within her that had her crying out as pleasure spiked in her body once more, a second climax building rapidly even as G’raha’s thrusts began to grow erratic and his face and body tensed.

She hit the peak without much warning, stars exploding behind her eyes and the world seeming to fragment into pieces around her as the most intense pleasure she’d ever felt surged through her body. She was still in the throes of it, crying out wildly as her vision clouded and her body clamped on his cock, when he thrust hard into her and she felt the hot burst of his spend release within.

Beneath her heady gaze, his head was thrown back again, mouth open as he shouted out his pleasure and face delightfully flushed. His body shuddered, cock twitching as her walls throbbed around him, and he pulsed twice more within her before collapsing back against the bed, a panting mess on the pillow.

Everything felt so… good. Shiun rested heavily against her hands, the soreness of her body and the slickness of his spend and his softening cock within her giving her a rush of heady contentment. She felt settled into herself, deeply and surely, and it was such a relief that she almost felt like crying.

G’raha stirred beneath her, freeing one hand from her thigh to reach up and cup her face. When she met his eyes again, his gaze was a mix of wondering and tender. “Shiun,” he murmured, thumb running along the line of her cheek, “I – “

No! Panic gripped her before he could say another word, and she freed a hand to sharply cover his mouth. “Don’t talk,” she said huskily, and lowered herself over his body, letting his cock slip free and shuddering along with him at the sensation. “Just hold me.”

His eyes softened, and he nodded, wrapping both arms around her waist and drawing her down into his embrace. Satisfied, she released him and shifted to roll them over onto their sides, hiding her face against his chest.

The panic was ebbing, and she felt a bone-deep weariness creeping up on her. Snuggling into G’raha’s arms, she relaxed into that contented feeling and allowed herself to drift off into sleep.

---

She was not sure what woke her, but the sun had not yet risen when Shiun stirred. She was lying on her side, and there was a weight around her waist. She blurrily opened her eyes, blinking rapidly to clear them.

G’raha’s chin was the first thing she focused on, and she jerked a little as the previous night’s memories came rushing back. He sighed in his sleep, but his face was still softened in deep slumber when she glanced up at him.

Gods, he was beautiful, mussed red hair framing his face and plush lips parted as he breathed. Shiun felt an ache growing in her chest just looking at him. The memories of what they had done were still clear in her mind, and she felt a little twinge in her nethers.

She could wake him now, take him again – he would be both eager and willing, she was sure – and they could bask in the afterglow again together. And then he would open his mouth with his eyes all glowing with tenderness, and he would say –

The sharp memory of an ugly scar across her mother’s chest intruded on that thought, and Shiun flinched, panic once again surging through her. No, no – she couldn’t stay here, couldn’t let him wake up and get those words out under any circumstance.

Slowly, she peeled G’raha’s arm from her waist, sliding back while watching him as she would a wild animal poised to pounce. He did not stir. Letting out a breath, Shiun moved silently away from the bed, hastily cleaning herself with a washcloth still damp from her bath the previous night and slipping on her clothing. Then she made haste to the door, shutting it behind her with a small click.

She couldn’t relax yet, though. Shiun drew herself up and made her way down the hallway, counting the doors until she found the one she was after. Then she raised her hand and knocked before she could think better of it.

There was a long pause, and then Y’shtola’s face greeted her – though ‘greeted’ was perhaps not the word. The older woman had a look on her face like thunder. That changed as soon as she took in her visitor. “Shiun? What on earth are you doing at my door at this hour?”

There was no easy or gentle way to put it, so Shiun just blurted it out, trying to keep her voice down as she did. “I need a morning-after contraceptive.”

Y’shtola’s eyes went wide – and then narrowed. She stepped back, holding the door open wider. “Come in.”

No need to tell her twice. Shiun glanced down the empty hallway quickly before stepping inside.

As soon as the door closed behind her, Y’shtola was giving her a canny look. “G’raha Tia,” she said without preamble. “Am I right?”

“Please don’t,” Shiun begged, looking anywhere but at her friend’s face.

“‘Twas not difficult to determine,” Y’shtola went on mercilessly. “I have seen the way you look at him – and the way he looks at you. This was only a matter of time.” She paused. “Should you not be with him at this juncture? ‘Tis bad manners to leave before one’s bedfellow awakens, if I recall correctly.”

“Y’shtola, please.”

A sigh was her answer. “I see.” When Shiun risked a glance up, Y’shtola was giving her a severe look. “I can brew you something, but it will not be pleasant for the next several hours after you take it.”

“That’s fine.” At least she would get it. Shiun relaxed a bit, relieved that she was not about to receive a lecture.

“Wait here, then.” Y’shtola turned on her heel and headed for her desk.

---

Shiun’s stomach was still giving her faint distress signals by the time Tataru called for them to gather in the main hall, but it was far less than it had been hours before. Y’shtola had sat with her while she suffered through it, making conversation as if it were of no moment, and she was grateful for the distraction.

When entering the hall, she made sure that she arrived along with Y’shtola to avoid being found alone, but she needn’t have bothered, because G’raha ended up being the last to arrive. Shiun studiously avoided his gaze, though she felt his eyes burning into her before everyone’s attention was drawn completely to the crisis in Thavnair.

And what a crisis. Her own relationship drama was forgotten in the wake of what unfolded once they made their way there. The battles were ghastly – the revelation that the souls of the departed were lost even to the aetherial sea shook them all to the core. Following the fighting, her preoccupation was to the point where Shiun simply gave a perfunctory nod when Alphinaud suggested she and G’raha investigate Artha together.

“Shall we be off, then?” he said to her, and she met his eyes at last.

The aftermath of their battle through Vanaspati lingered in his gaze, mirroring her own distress, but there was a question there too, and she was reminded all at once of everything that had been left unsaid between the two of them.

I can’t. Not right now. She was completely worn out emotionally, even if she had felt like facing him.

G’raha suggested their first destination in a business-like manner and it seemed at first as if he were going to let everything pass. But as they started off, he matched her stride and opened the conversation with, “Shiun, I must ask… Why did you leave this morning?”

Straight to the point. Shiun grimaced, staring straight ahead of her as she walked. “Please, not right now. I can’t.”

He was quiet for a moment. Then, “I have no wish to burden you. But you must know that I – “

“Don’t.” She grit the word out, sharply cutting him off. “Please. Just don’t.”

There was another moment of agonizing silence. Then G’raha spoke again, his voice soft with confusion and hurt. “As you wish.”

She had hurt him. Shiun felt her eyes burn and blinked rapidly, still moving forward. Of course she had; it would have been foolish to think that she would not. It was her own selfish request – her own weakness – that had created this situation, and now she had hurt him. G’raha – poor, sweet G’raha, who had believed in her and trusted her for nigh on a hundred years – had only wanted her to know of his feelings, and she couldn’t handle even that.

It was too much, though. She trusted G’raha with her back; with her life; with the lives of everyone she held dear… and still, when it came to her heart…

“They’ll break you in the end, every time.” Those were her mother’s words.

It felt as though something had broken, regardless.