The dark of night had spread across the Crystarium by the time Shiun dragged herself back to her suite at the Pendants. The elf standing at the desk seemed to have been drifting at his post, because he started when she walked past him, and immediately straightened.

“Welcome back, Mistress Aeternas.”

She offered him her best impression of a smile, which was likely a poor attempt but it was the best he was going to get at the moment. “Thanks.”

The fighting in the Empty had left her feeling drained, and camping out over the last few days had left her craving a warm bath and a soft bed – in that order. Shiun let out a sigh as the door to her room closed behind her, and took a moment to slump against it.

She was tired, but it wasn’t just the fighting and the camping – she was used to fighting and camping, and actually, she was used to being exhausted and pushing through regardless. Those things weren’t so daunting.

It was him – the Exarch. Shiun wanted to see him, more than she felt like admitting to herself, and not because he had turned out to be the man she had been powerfully attracted to two years ago. He had been a comfort to her during her time on the First, despite being a man and despite his tendency to keep secrets. Something about his presence had felt steadfast in a way that she couldn’t quite explain. She had spoken to him at any chance she could get, enjoying the soothing tone of his voice and the care he seemed to throw into everything he did – which included random conversations with her, it seemed.

As for why she wasn’t doing that now… well… that was exactly because he had turned out to be the man she had been powerfully attracted to two years ago.

G’raha Tia had been both the subject of nearly all of Shiun’s fantasies and the bane of her existence for precisely the same reason – he was just too damned attractive! At least to her. Everything about him had drawn her increasingly heated attention in from the start, and it terrified her. He was charming and good-looking and incredibly intelligent, and just… everything her mother had warned her about, rolled into one neat package.

A package she had seen in full… and still remembered in excruciating detail.

Shiun pushed off of the door, feeling her face heat. Two years, and G’raha Tia still had her writhing helplessly in the palm of his hand. She only had to hope that he didn’t know it, or she would truly be lost. If he so much as beckoned her way, she wasn’t sure she had the will to resist him.

But then… he was also the Exarch. And oh! She missed the Exarch terribly. His voice, his smiles, his presence… Everything that had grounded her during this whole messy business. She had been desperate to save him even when she was at risk of losing her very soul. Even knowing that he was G’raha Tia. He was still… everything he had been, before she had known.

But now she knew.

A knock at her door interrupted her musings, and Shiun turned to reach for the handle without thinking, though it occurred to her as she swung the door open that there was really only one person it could be.

G’raha Tia’s face greeted her, with the Exarch’s robes and the Exarch’s small smile, and she very nearly slammed the door on him in panic.

Still, she managed to stop herself, and straightened. “Good evening, Exar – G’raha.”

His smile tilted up on one side. “Exarch is fine, if you prefer it. Though I do not mind what you choose to call me, I have quite gotten used to it.”

It was cute. Shiun winced internally. Why did he have to be so cute? Her heart wouldn’t settle down in her chest, despite her desperate desire for his company. “All right,” she agreed, fighting to keep her voice steady.

He seemed to wilt a little, ears drooping. “Ah – I should perhaps explain why I came to call on you so late.” His crystal hand worried at the straps on his other arm, and his eyes were studying her face as though looking for answers to some question he hadn’t yet voiced. He took in a breath and let it out slowly. “Shiun, you must admit that things have been… different… between us, since our return from the Tempest.”

He had noticed. Of course he had noticed. Shiun fought the urge to bite her lower lip, feeling an icy sense of dread clawing at her heart. “How so?” she tried, though even to her own ears it sounded weak.

The Exarch drew himself up, lowering his hands and regarding her more seriously. “Surely I cannot be the only one who has sorely missed our conversations.” He shook his head, closing his eyes. “Though, perhaps I presume too much? You have been avoiding me ever since we returned, and I can but assume that you must be terribly wroth with me.”

Oh, he definitely had the wrong idea. “No, it’s not that!” Shiun blurted, rushing to assure him. “Truly, your apologies thus far have been more than sufficient! I hold nothing against you.”

His puzzled gaze met hers again. “Then… If you’ll forgive my asking, what is the reason?”

Now she was trapped. Shiun shifted her weight from one foot to the other, trying desperately to think of something to say in response. The silence spread out between them.

Finally, the Exarch let out a sigh. “I will not begrudge you your secrets.” He offered her a somewhat rueful smile. “After all, I have kept much and more from you as well. If you’ve no wish to tell me, I will not press you.”

Relief flooded through her, and at once Shiun felt a rush of warmth towards him. “Thank you.” This was just him, after all – the Exarch. He had heard much of her struggles and even offered up his own concerns in return a time or two. “I will do my best to make more time for you in the future.”

His ears perked up, and she had to smile. How greatly he must have relied upon the cowl to hide his feelings – everything seemed to be laid bare now that it no longer covered him. “Only if you wish it,” he deferred. “Pray, do not force yourself on my account.”

His enthusiasm was too palpable for the attempt. Shiun could not help but meet his gaze, those soulful red eyes set in that handsome face. She felt a little rush, but quickly smothered it. “It is no bother,” she responded, with honesty this time. “As you said, I too have sorely missed our conversations.” For the sake of their friendship, surely she could overcome this attraction.

The Exarch’s lips parted, and for a moment Shiun was snared by the storm of emotion in his eyes. She could not even begin to place each individual feeling, but somehow she felt engulfed by the whole of them, swept along in the current. It was exhilarating and terrifying, but her heart wanted nothing more than to ride this wave forever.

Then he cleared his throat, and she realized they had been standing there staring into one another’s eyes for some long moments. Heat rose on her cheeks, and she forced her gaze to her hands, running her fingers over her scales. Her skin prickled.

What was that? It hadn’t been bad, exactly, but still…

“Well,” he said, sounding oddly breathless, “I should… leave you to your rest.” When she glanced up again, too nervous to raise her gaze past his mouth, he was smiling. “Have a pleasant sleep, Shiun.”

“You as well.” She moved to shut the door as he turned to leave, and then thought of something. “Wait!”

He spun on his heel. “Yes?”

Shiun ducked her head. Her face still felt hot, but somehow, she felt it was important to say this. “I’m… glad,” she admitted, feeling awkward, “to see you again.”

She was not looking at him – she couldn’t – but she heard his breath catch. There was a beat of silence, and then he responded, very softly, “I was glad to see you again as well.”

It was her turn to suck in a sharp breath. Without lifting her gaze, she nodded. “That – that was all.” She pulled the door forward again. “Good night.”

“Rest well, my friend,” he said warmly, and raised a hand as she slowly closed the door.

Only when it finally clicked shut did she let out the breath she had been holding, slumping her shoulders forward as if to huddle in on herself against a cold rush. Without his presence, the room at once felt empty and soulless.

I can do this. Shiun clenched her hands into fists, pushing them up against her chest. Even if it was awkward and embarrassing, she wanted the Exarch’s friendship too badly to stay away. And besides that, it would hurt him if she did. She could never. This… attraction of hers would have to be shoved down at every opportunity until the end of time.

And she would never, ever act on it.