She did not see the Exarch immediately on returning to the Crystarium after her defeat of Titania in Il Mheg. Following the encounter with the Ascian, she was more or less ordered back to her quarters.

Only to find that he’d left her something thoughtful.

Brynne took a bite out of one of the sandwiches. It was her favorite – egg salad – and she wondered if he knew, or had simply guessed. There were several other types in the basket, so she assumed it was the latter.

It would’ve been interesting if he knew, though… She couldn’t remember if she’d ever told that little detail to G’raha in the past. Not that the Exarch was G’raha…

“You seem a million miles away,” Ardbert commented, crossing his arms. “What’s on your mind?”

She swallowed the first bite. “Nothing much. Wondering if the Exarch knew my favorite sandwich.”

For the first time, she began to wonder if Ardbert had witnessed her embarrassing scene with the Exarch during the celebration back then. Hopefully not…

If he had, he didn’t give any indication of it. “The Exarch again, hm? I can’t think how he’d know that. Unless he’s been secretly monitoring you, across the Rift.” He snorted. “Wouldn’t put it past him, honestly.”

That was the second time he’d mentioned the Exarch watching her, and it sent a bit of a shiver through Brynne’s body. Not… an unpleasant shiver either. The thought of being watched might normally have made her self-conscious, but with it being the Exarch, well… her cards were on the table with him now. He could watch all he liked.

Mayhap it would whet his appetite for later.

She shrugged in response to Ardbert. “Let him. My life is not so interesting, outside of battle.”

He shook his head, a bit of a smirk on his face. “No salacious distractions, you mean?”

Clearly, he meant to tease her. Brynne raised an eyebrow at him. “Not recently. Unless you think he’s been watching me for more than two years, my bed’s been cold and there’s been no ‘distractions’ to speak of.”

“I didn’t mean – !” Ardbert sputtered for a moment, clearly caught off-guard by her frankness. If he weren’t a ghost, she swore he’d have colored. “Well. It matters not.” He folded his arms. “I wasn’t exactly one for such distractions, myself.”

“You should’ve tried it.” Brynne took another bite of her sandwich, chewed and swallowed. “It’s quite nice,” she added, to his gobsmacked expression. “People are different when they’re naked – more vulnerable. And, you know, it feels good.”

“That’s quite enough of that!” He frowned, looking suspiciously pouty to her eyes. “I’d appreciate if you kept the comments on my ‘distractions’ – or lack thereof – to yourself.”

She shrugged again. “As you wish.” Another bite of the sandwich was taken. “You know,” she said thoughtfully, after she’d swallowed, “there’s always a possibility I might take a lover while I’m here. What would you do?”

“I’d leave, of course.” Now it was his turn to raise his eyebrows at her. “What else would you expect?”

She spread her hands, one still clutching the remains of the sandwich. “It could be instructional.”

He sputtered again for a second, and then frowned at her. “And what about my current situation gives you the impression that I need instruction of that sort?”

“Fair point,” she acknowledged. “I’d rather the privacy myself, anyway.”

“Good.” He huffed a sigh, and then frowned again. “You know, though, that the Exarch might be watching. Seems a rough situation for you overall. A ghost on one side and a magic mirror on the other.”

Brynne considered her words for a moment, then decided he’d probably find out sooner or later. “I don’t mind if it’s him.”

“You don’t mind if it’s – ” He stopped abruptly, and shot her an incredulous look. “Are you serious?”

She shot him a lopsided little smile. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You are serious. Gods.” Ardbert turned from her, raising a hand to pinch the bridge of his nose. “Of all people, you set your cap for the Exarch? You don’t even know his face! And what if he betrays you? You know next to nothing about his motivations, after all.”

“I’ve chosen to trust his motives. He really seems to care for his people.” Brynne once again considered what she might say, and decided to just come out with it. “And he… reminds me of someone.”

He gave her a skeptical look. “‘Someone’, she says… Who?”

“No one you’ve met.” She met his gaze squarely. “He was a historian on an expedition I assisted two years ago. A really smart man. Handsome, too.” At that, she couldn’t help but smile helplessly, caught in nostalgia. “He was passionate and caring – much like the Exarch.”

The skepticism faded from Ardbert’s expression as she spoke. “Sounds like you really cared for him.”

Brynne blinked. Cared for him? It hadn’t been that deep… had it? “Not really. I wanted him, that was all.” It wasn’t a lie, but some uneasy part of her really felt like it was.

Why, though?

“Ah. Well, whatever the situation.” Ardbert’s expression was pointed. “Watch yourself with him, will you? Wouldn’t do to have the hero of the hour caught up with the wrong person at the wrong moment, after all.”

“I’ll be fine.” She waved him off. “Nothing’s going to happen until after we’ve defeated the Lightwardens, anyway.”

“Why does it not surprise me that you already have a timeline?” he commented wryly.

Brynne offered him a cheeky grin. “Once you get to know me,” she said, “you’ll find I like to have a plan in mind.”

And this time, said plan would go through without a hitch. She would see to that.

---

“The Eighth Umbral Calamity and all that followed; everything you claimed to have seen – did you?”

Y’shtola’s question continued to haunt Brynne even after the defeat of the Lightwarden, once the day had ended and they made camp on the path back to the Crystarium. Not only because of the direct impact to herself, but the fact that Urianger had not deigned to answer. The implications were clear – if Urianger had not seen such a vision, then both he and the Exarch were lying to them all.

Urianger would lie if the reason was a greater good. She was fairly sure of that – he had done it in the past, so there was no question that he was capable. But if it were so, what was the ‘greater good’ and why was it being kept from the rest of them? Would they not still be trying to save this world if no rejoining were in prospect? Either way, Emet-Selch had all but confirmed that he was attempting a rejoining, so what would be the point of lying?

Questions upon questions, and no clear answer in view.

And then there was the other part: about her body being some kind of… of storage container for all of that primordial Light. Brynne chewed on the inside of her cheek, staring blankly at the darkened sky above her as she considered that unpleasant revelation. It would explain some of the odd phenomena: the onset of brief but strikingly painful headaches, not unlike the Echo; the feeling she got at times, of being full to the point of bursting; and the fact that Y’shtola had mistaken her for a sin eater.

Y’shtola. A small sliver of hurt threaded into her thoughts through the confusion. They were close; Y’shtola had been the one to recruit her into the Scions, what felt like an eternity ago. Their discussions on matters of the aetheric had been both illuminating and a method of bonding. She had confided many things to Y’shtola in confidence, and felt that this was reciprocated several times over. But for whatever reason, her fellow Scion had kept this suspicion to herself, and had not gone to Brynne with it, but Urianger.

Ugh. All of this was making sleep nigh impossible. Brynne sat up, quietly so as not to wake Minfilia who slept nearby, and crept towards the fire where watch was being kept.

By Y’shtola herself, as it turned out. “It’s too early for your shift,” she remarked, as Brynne came to sit beside her at the fire. “You could sleep a bit longer.”

“Can’t sleep.” Brynne sighed, slouching a bit as she leaned forward on her hands. She stared gloomily at the smoldering ashes in the pit they’d made. “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

Why didn’t you come to me with your suspicions? She couldn’t bring herself to ask it. The answer was likely to be something about ‘not wanting to alarm you’, which honestly was bullshite. But Y’shtola thought like that sometimes. So instead, Brynne went with, “You don’t trust the Exarch, do you?”

“No further than I could throw him, to be perfectly honest.” Y’shtola made a soft, amused sound. “I think we’d be wise to keep a close eye on him and not let our guards down, but I can’t see any alternative to this plan he’s devised at present.” Her hazy eyes focused not quite on Brynne’s face. “Do be careful around him.”

Ardbert said the same thing. Brynne huffed a brief laugh. “You worry for me overmuch.” And you could confide in me more. “I… to be honest, I don’t know how to feel about him,” she confessed. “Normally, I would be at least wary with such a stranger, but…” She paused, considering her next words. “Something in me wants to trust him. He… reminds me of someone.”

“Mm.” Y’shtola’s expression was canny. “Your ‘G’raha Tia’ – correct?”

Brynne almost tipped forward into the fire. “Wha – How – ?”

“When you told me about him, during our time in Ishgard,” Y’shtola said without missing a beat, “I kept note. The way you spoke of him was much the same as you are speaking now of the Exarch.” She offered a wry smile. “You are besotted with him.”

Besotted…? For a moment, Brynne was caught speechless. Then she found her voice. “That is definitely not the case!” she hissed, trying to keep her fervent response quiet for the sake of those still sleeping. “I only want – ”

“ – to bed him. Yes, I know.” Y’shtola sighed, regarding her with a kind of sympathetic fondness. “So much so that you were unable to do so when you had the chance, and you are unable to cease thinking of him now, when he’s long out of reach.” Another pointed look. “To be perfectly honest, though I had my suspicions, I couldn’t be certain until after I had experienced much the same thing.”

That was enough to bring her up short. The wheels in Brynne’s head started to turn, and it was only a brief moment before she landed on the obvious answer. “You mean… you and Runar…?”

“I would appreciate,” Y’shtola said archly, “if you would keep that piece of information to yourself. But yes, Runar and I.”

“Huh.” At least she was still trusted with some sensitive information. “Well. Congratulations.” A second later, she realized something and shot her friend a sharp look. “Wait. Aren’t you concerned about returning to the Source?”

“I have thought about it, of course.” Y’shtola shut her eyes, a rueful smile on her face. “But it changes nothing. The heart wants what it wants, and it cares naught for our convenience.”

That was only too true. Brynne made a soft noise of assent, and turned her gaze to the firepit again. She hadn’t been so distracted by Y’shtola’s revelation that she had entirely forgotten what was said just before. Besotted… Am I really? It would explain why she had been unable to truly accept G’raha’s disappearance. And why she continued to see him in the Exarch despite the impossibility. She didn’t want to believe it… but the more she thought about it, the more inevitable it seemed.

Mayhap that was why she had been so reluctant to simply bed him and be done with it. I suppose I wanted more than just that, didn’t I?

It mattered naught in the end. G’raha was gone. Even if she bedded the Exarch, she wasn’t about to get back what she truly wanted.

Somehow, though, some primal part of her still wanted it. The Exarch was enough like G’raha in voice and appearance… and he was kind, passionate, and intelligent, besides. It felt like the second chance she had been craving for the past two years.

Is it fair to him, though? She would essentially be using him as a replacement for the one her heart truly wanted. Hells, it might not even be good for her, however much she still yearned for it.

Regardless, she would have to come clean. Tell him everything. Or at least the pertinent bits. And then accept his response, whatever it may be.

“That would be the end of my shift.” Y’shtola’s voice cut into her thoughts. When she looked up, she found her friend offering her a small, gentle smile. “And unlike you, I believe that I shall have no trouble sleeping.” She rose in one graceful motion, stretching languidly. “Be sure to wake Thancred when it’s time, and at least attempt to get some sleep yourself.”

“Yes, I know.” Brynne smiled ruefully in response, leaning back on her hands as Y’shtola departed the fireside. “Sleep well.”

“I shall, thank you.”

Silence fell again, and Brynne turned her gaze up to the stars, blessedly clear in the night sky. If she closed her eyes, she could take herself back to that night with G’raha Tia, trading stories around the campfire.

If only recapturing the past were so simple.

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