Continuing the Legacy of Craziness

 

The Digimon Emperor had conquered yet another area and so the new team of digi-destined had to --

DAVIS: I'd like to protest something!

AUTHOR: What!? You're not allowed to protest!

YOLEI: (screech-owl voice) HOW COME???? DON'T WE HAVE RIGHTS TOO!!??

(everyone checks their ears to make sure they still work)

AUTHOR: I meant, this is my fan fiction, and I can do what I want to you guys!

KARI: Yeah, but come on! Just about every fan fiction starts off by saying the Digimon Emperor conquered a new area! If the Digimon Emperor conquered that many areas, he'd be Lord and Master of the Digi-World, our world, and probably about 60 or 70 other worlds that we've never even heard of!

CODY: We're all hoping he takes over the Pokemon world and pisses them off the way he does us.

TK: And what do the fan fiction writers think that we'd be doing while all this was happening?

AUTHOR: Hmm, let's see. Well, you and Davis would be fighting over Kari -- you'd win, of course -- and Yolei --

DAVIS: Hey, wait a second! Who says he would win?

AUTHOR: Do you want a list of names, or should I just tell you the estimated number of TK and Kari fans?

DAVIS: (scowls) Everyone knows Kari loves me the best!

CODY: I didn't know that.

KARI: (rolls eyes) When Davis says 'everyone', he means the people who exist only in his mind.

CODY: Oh.

YOLEI: Everyone be quiet! I want to know what I'd be doing!

AUTHOR: Pining away because you can never win Ken's love.

YOLEI: WHAT!!!??? I'm not that pathetic!!!!

KEN: (shows up) Hey guys! I'm going to have to kill you all, OK?

YOLEI: Ooh, it's him! (throws herself at Ken's feet) Me first! Wow, what an honor! I get to be killed by Ken! (squeaks)

CODY: (shakes head) Sad.

TK: (really obvious wink at Kari) So, we're still doing what we said we'd be doing at the time we said we'd be doing it at, right?

DAVIS: (suspiciously) What's going on?

KARI: (really obvious wink back at TK) Oh, it's just this thing that isn't a date and doesn't involve the two of us going to see a movie later tonight.

DAVIS: Oh. (scratches head) OK.

CODY: (buries his face in his hands)

DAVIS: What's wrong with you?

CODY: Nothing. (sigh) I'm surrounded by idiots.

DAVIS: Hey! Was that an insult?

CODY: Yes.

DAVIS: Oh, good. (thinks about that for a minute) Hey, wait a second...

CODY: So what were you going to have me do in this story of yours?

AUTHOR: Hang around with Izzy and Joe and save everyone from doing stupid things and getting into big trouble.

EVERYONE BUT CODY: Hey!

AUTHOR: (sigh) Well, the stupid things would be mostly Davis...

DAVIS: What?

AUTHOR: Just act normal. It'll come to you.

DAVIS: I think you're trying to insult me.

TAI: (shows up) Don't worry, pal, you get used to it.

DAVIS: Hey Tai! Do you think Kari will go out with me?

TAI: (looks over to where Kari and TK are now making out) I dunno. (scratches head) Maybe you should ask her.

DAVIS: OK, I will! Kaaaaariiii! (walks over to Kari and TK) Will you go out with me?

KARI: No.

DAVIS: (big grin) OK.

CODY: Why are you smiling? She just turned you down.

DAVIS: No, no, see, I'm making real progress. She only said 'no'. Last time she said, 'no, get lost, jerk'.

CODY: I see.

DAVIS: So maybe next time she'll even say 'I don't think so'! (beams happily)

CODY: (looks around for help)

KEN: Can I ask a favor?

AUTHOR: What?

KEN: Well, you see, people always make me turn good! Why can't I just be evil?

AUTHOR: But we make you good because we like you!

KEN: But I like being evil! Besides, you already know I'm probably going to turn good on the show! Why do I have to do it in fanfiction, too? Why can't somebody just write a story where I kill everyone and then take over the world?

AUTHOR: Because then we'd have no one left to pair off in fan fictions.

KEN: Oh.

AUTHOR: Besides, a lot of people like to pair you off with Yolei! Isn't that great?

KEN: (winces)

YOLEI: I love those stories!!!! (high-pitched squeak)

KEN: (cringes) Can't I just die a horrible and lonely death because nobody loves me?

AUTHOR: Aw, come on. We like you too much to do that to you?

KEN: Considering what most of you are submitting me to, it doesn't seem that bad!

CODY: At least you don't have two crazy authors fighting over whose muse you are!

AUTHOR: Oh yeah, I should be letting Kyra and Iori no Miko know you're here, shouldn't I?

CODY: Do that, and I'll inspire one of them to write a story that pairs Yolei with TK and Kari with Davis.

TK, YOLEI, and KARI: NO!!!!!!

DAVIS: Hey, yeah!

AUTHOR: All right, fine! Not like I was really going to, anyway. I'll take pity on you.

CODY: Thank you.

KARI: Well, it's about time we took off, right TK? (really obvious wink)

TK: Yup, I, uh, gotta go home and do my math homework.

KARI: Yeah, me too. I have, er, science stuff and all.

DAVIS: But tomorrow is Saturday.

KARI: So we like to get our work done early! Bye! (takes off with TK)

DAVIS: Wow, they must really like to do homework.

OTHERS: (sigh)

AUTHOR: Well, I'm going to start work on a new story!

TAI: Ooh, I know what this one is about!

AUTHOR: I haven't decided yet.

TAI: Yeah, but I'm your muse. I'm supposed to handle stuff like this.

CODY: Why am I getting a bad feeling about this?

AUTHOR: Yup, I think I'll do everything we talked about in here, TK and Davis fight over Kari, Yolei and Ken get together in a sappy love scene...

KEN: (looks ill)

AUTHOR: ... and Cody ends up the inevitable winner of all and master of the world (with Izzy, of course, being master of the universe). What do you think?

CODY: I like it.

IZZY: So do I.

JOE: Since you're intending to make me co-master of the universe with Izzy, so do I.

KEN: I think it's the worst thing I've ever heard of.

YOLEI: (screech-owl voice) WHY DON'T I HAVE A BIGGER ROLE????

AUTHOR: (removes ear plugs) Does anyone else have an opinion?

DAVIS: (scratches head) I don't get it...

TAI: Just pretend you do. They'll never know the difference.

DAVIS: Wow, you're so smart, Tai!

TAI: Yeah, I know.

AUTHOR: (sigh)

 

The End