A Crazy Conclusion

 

The digi-destined were restored to life by ME -- because I am the author, and technically that makes me their God. Anyway --

IZZY: Hey, that's not a bad beginning! It must have taken lots of effort, considering who came up with it.

AUTHOR: Shut up, or I'll make you pay.

IZZY: Hah! That's a good one! How could you possibly --

Izzy broke down and started crying. "Oh Mimi!" he sobbed. "How could you forsake me like this? I'm so desperately, tragically in love with -- "

IZZY: OK, OK, I'll be good!

AUTHOR: Aww, I was just getting to the best part!

MIMI: Best part for who? Not us.

AUTHOR: But it makes such a good story...

KARI: None of these stories are good! You need to feature me and TK more!

TK: Yeah, come on!

AUTHOR (shrugs): If you really want me to.

TK smiled shyly, and moved a little closer to Kari. "I think you're great!" he said, blushing. "Maybe we could -- "

KARI: No, not *that* kind of story!

TK: No kidding, that's dumb! Make it a good story!

AUTHOR: See, this is why the story never focusses on you.

AGUMON: Well, it focusses on them more than it does us!

GABUMON: Yeah, no kidding. What are we supposed to be doing while all of this happens, anyway?

GATOMON: Well, *you* were showing us how many shapes a harmonica can be warped into when heated.

MATT: What!?

GABUMON: Snitch!

PATAMON: Yeah, no kidding! You're not exactly all that innocent yourself. Who was it who shredded Sora's towel when she was taking a bath, hmm?

GATOMON: How was I supposed to know she was taking a bath?

TENTOMON: Well, according to some of the fan fiction authors, she takes a bath every five minutes or so.

PALMON: If anyone else says the phrase 'taking a bath', I'm going to sew their lips together!

SORA: And if there's another story where I'm -- (stops and looks nervously at Palmon) -- you-know-what, I'm going to kill the author!

TAI: Yeah, how many baths do you think she needs?

MATT: And how often can Tai "accidentally" find her during one?

TAI: Hey, those *were* accidents!

MATT: Suuuure they were!

TAI: Hey, at least I have a girlfriend! You're obviously not attractive enough!

MATT: Well, compared to you, I'm like the Brad Pitt of the digiworld!

TAI: I'm not sure that's a compliment.

SORA: Brad Pitt is ugly!

TK: Then what he said is true!

MATT: How could you!? You're supposed to be my brother!

TK: I was adopted.

IZZY: No, that was me!

JOE: Weren't you Tai's little sister?

KARI: That's me!

TAI: So whose parents got divorced?

MATT: Ours!

SORA: Didn't you have the mother who thought you hated her?

EVERYONE: That was *you*!

SORA: Oh yeah.

MATT: I think Tai is starting to rub off on you.

AUTHOR: You just wish that you were in Tai's place.

Matt got a strange feeling every time he looked at Sora. True, she was obviously interested only in Tai, but he couldn't help thinking how beautiful and wonderful she was. *Oh,* he thought, sighing, *If only she could be all mine. If only I was more like Tai so she could love me instead. If only -- *

MATT: I could shoot myself in the head! And who the heck would ever believe that I'd want to be more like Tai?

TAI: Yeah! (appears to think about that) Hey, wait a second...!

MATT: See? I'm much to great and wonderful to want to be like Tai. I should have girls falling at my feet.

SORA: Yeah, I guess so, but would they be fainting because of the smell, or because the sight of your face horrified them?

MATT: Hey!

IZZY: Ha ha!

It was Mimi who Matt truly wanted -- but when he tried to get somewhere with her, Izzy flared up and came to attack Matt. "How dare you attempt to steal the dearest light of my heart!" he challenged passionately. "I shall fight to the death to defend my love and my -- "

IZZY: Right to protest! What the heck was that?

AUTHOR (shrugs): I don't know, but it sounded good, didn't it?

MATT, MIMI, and IZZY: NO!!!!!

AUTHOR: I think it's fun to pair Izzy off in romance novels!

IZZY (in a tormented voice): Why can't you all just leave me alone?

JOE (shrugs): That's the price of being popular.

IZZY: I'm not supposed to be popular! (wails) I WANT MY COMPUTER!!!!

TAI: What kind of stuff do you look up on that thing, anyway?

MATT: Porno sites, probably.

IZZY: Important stuff, like research and data.

MATT: Yeah sure, *we* know. (winks)

(Izzy buries his face in one hand)

AUTHOR: Oh, just leave Izzy alone! Where is his computer, anyway?

PALMON: Oh -- it's -- um... (burps) Excuse me! I mean, I don't know...

IZZY: OH MY GOD!!!! (falls to his knees) The world is coming to an end! A plant ate my computer!

TAI: Watch it, he's going crazy! Any minute now he'll leap up and start throttling people!

GOMAMON: But Palmon didn't eat your computer.

IZZY: She didn't? (sighs with relief) Oh, thank god. That takes a huge weight off my shoulders.

GOMAMON: Agumon fried it!

IZZY: I HATE THIS PLACE!!!!

AUTHOR: Oh, just be quiet! Sheesh! I'll get you a new computer, OK?

Izzy suddenly found a brand new, fully programmed laptop on the ground in front of him.

MATT: Wow! Now how about getting me a new harmonica?

AUTHOR: No way.

MATT: Why not?

AUTHOR: Getting Izzy a new computer reduced the noise pollution. Getting you a new harmonica would contribute to it.

MATT: Well, then maybe I'll just sing a song instead! (takes a deep breath)

Suddenly, there was a shiny new harmonica on the ground in front of Matt.

MATT: Are you making some kind of crack about my voice?

AUTHOR: Let me think -- yes!

MATT: Hey, I'm an awesome singer, OK? In fact... (brightens) ...I could be the next Brittany Spears! (strikes a pose)

KARI: Uh... (backs away)

TK: We're not really related, it's just a publicity stunt pulled by the writers.

GABUMON: You guys are all just intimidated by the presense of such great talent!

IZZY: No, I'm pretty sure that's not it.

MATT: You're all just jealous of my coolness.

TAI: Whatever 'coolness' you had, you just destroyed it.

SORA: But you'd make a great Brittany Spears!

MIMI (to the author): Well?

AUTHOR: Well what?

MIMI: This is where the big ending comes in, isn't it?

AUTHOR: Oh yeah. Uh...you're all big, annoying losers, and you should be shot.

IZZY (sarcastically) Oh, bravo.

AUTHOR: Do you *want* me to have you make out with Mimi?

MIMI: Hey, what did I do? This is seriously inhuman, and I don't think I have to take it! Why, -- (continues being annoying)

AUTHOR (over Mimi's voice): OK, um THE END! Hello, role credits or something...Help...

 

The End