A Crazy Beginning
The digi-destined were walking through the forest, while calmly --
TAI -- Calmly!? Since when do we ever do anything calmly? What happened to all the evil digimon who jump out at us every five minutes?
AUTHOR -- Excuse me, but whose story do you think this is? If I wanted evil digimon to jump out at you, that would mean I'd have to make up a fight -- and I'm really not in the mood.
SORA -- Well, you can't be that good at writing digimon stories if you're never in the mood for fight scenes.
AUTHOR -- Hmm. Maybe I'll have a big, emotional scene where you declare your unending love -- for Joe!
SORA -- Never mind, 'calmly' will be fine!
JOE -- Hey, what's wrong with being in love with me?
SORA -- Er...uh...(looks away)
TAI -- You're annoying, that's what!
JOE -- Well, who is it who's always doing stupid things that get us into trouble?
TAI -- I provide adventure, OK?
AUTHOR -- OK, just shut up! I want a nice, quiet story -- no fights, no arguments...
IZZY -- She's writing a romance!
EVERYONE -- AAAAHHHHHH!!!!!NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
SORA -- Every time somebody writes one of these stories, I'm either paired off with Tai or Matt. Don't you people have any imagination? How do you know I'm not in love with -- oh -- Izzy, maybe!
IZZY (looking panicked) -- You're not, are you?
SORA -- Of course not, but at least it'd add a little variety. And I'm not in love with Matt! (gags)
MATT -- Hey, what's wrong with me?
SORA -- Well, nothing, but you're not exactly my type.
AUTHOR -- So how about a story with you and Tai? Or do you not like him either?
SORA (turns red) -- None of your gosh-darn business!
TK -- She does! Look at that blush!
AUTHOR -- Maybe I shoud write a story about TK and Kari...
TK -- Right, I'm shutting up now!
TAI -- You know, I'm only about 11 years old. What makes you think I'm even interested in girls yet?
AUTHOR -- You mean you're not? Not even Sora?
TAI (turns red) -- None of your gosh-darn business!
(TK looks ready to start laughing hysterically)
MIMI -- And what's all this stuff about me with Izzy and Joe? Isn't one of them enough? How come I'm stuck with two?
IZZY and JOE -- Hey!
MIMI -- Well, what if I don't like smart guys? What if I wanted to go out with someone like Tai?
TAI -- Was that an insult?
IZZY -- You know, I'm even younger than Tai. Why would I want a girlfriend?
AUTHOR -- You mean you don't like Mimi?
IZZY -- We-ell, no offense, but...
MIMI -- WHAT!? How dare you! Everyone's supposed to like me!
TAI -- I don't.
MIMI -- You don't count. You're in love with Sora!
TAI -- I am not!
MIMI -- Yes you are! Sheesh, you must be dumb if you can't even figure that out. Eight-year-olds who watch this show can even guess it!
KARI -- Hey, what's wrong with eight-year-olds?
TK -- Yeah, we're people too! I can't believe you thought we were dumber than Tai!
TAI -- Hey!
TK -- Well, at least we knew you were in love with Sora!
TAI -- You can't know I'm in love with Sora! Unless it's true, you can't know it, and it's not true, so how can you say you know it's true, especially since it isn't true, because -- (suddenly stops and looks confused) -- because -- because -- darn it!
MATT -- Well, they were right about your intelligence level.
TAI -- Hey!
AUTHOR (to Sora) -- What do you see in that guy?
SORA -- He has his moments.
AUTHOR -- Well, at least he's sorta cute.
MATT -- Yeah, but I'm cuter.
AUTHOR -- Kinda skinny though, aren't you?
MATT -- What are you talking about? I'm totally buff! Just ask any one of those girls out there who want to go out with me!
MIMI -- Hate to break it to you, but I think they like you DESPITE your scrawniness.
MATT -- I am not scrawny! Just watch! (attempts to flex)
AUTHOR -- Yeah, that's why Tai always beats you up, huh?
MATT -- He does not! I could kick his a$$ any time!
TAI -- Yeah right!
AUTHOR -- Plus, you can be pretty nasty sometimes. You're always picking fights with Tai.
MATT -- His ego's bigger than his hair.
SORA -- Yeah, and yours is bigger than the state of Arizona! 'I'm totally buff'! Give me a break!
MATT -- You're just mad because I can out-think your boyfriend!
SORA -- Like that's an enormous accomplishment.
TAI -- Hey!
MIMI -- Excuse me, but this conversation has spent half a page being not about me! That's criminal, OK?
MATT -- Speaking of massive egos...
MIMI -- Hey, at least I'm beautiful, twig-boy!
MATT (sarcastically) -- That was a good one. I can't believe some people paired us together!
SORA -- But you two are so cute together! You fight like an old married couple!
MATT and MIMI -- We do not!
IZZY -- Whew! At least that means I'm off the hook!
MIMI -- Why you unappreciative little creep! How dare you!
IZZY -- I told you, I'm not interested in girls. I think I'll go play computer games with Tentomon.
TENTOMON -- How can I play? I don't have any fingers to work the controls!
GATOMON -- I do!
IZZY -- Forget it! You'll scratch up my computer! I'll let you play just as soon as Kari has you declawed!
AUTHOR -- This is just getting ridiculous! OK, we're all going to do things my way! I'll have Sora pining away for Tai, who's just too thick to notice, and Matt and Joe will be fighting over Mimi. That's never been done before.
MATT -- I haven't got anything against Joe! How come I have to fight him?
AUTHOR -- Because both of you are in love with Mimi!
MATT -- That's dumb.
JOE -- Yeah, no kidding. I wouldn't last two minutes in a fight with Matt.
MIMI -- Besides, I don't want either of them.
AUTHOR -- Well, who do you want?
MIMI -- Nick Carter! He's dreamy!
AUTHOR -- Ugh! Besides, he's not on digimon!
MIMI -- So add him in! It's your story, isn't it?
SORA -- Yeah, and what's the deal with me 'pining' over Tai? That's just plain wimpy! I don't get miserable just because some dumb guy doesn't notice me!
TAI -- Yeah, and besides, then I'd probably never like her because she'd be pathetic! I like her for herself!
SORA -- You do?
TAI (coughs nervously) -- Uh, excuse us for a minute.
(Tai and Sora duck off together somewhere)
MATT -- Your plan flopped. I think he did notice her.
AUTHOR -- I've had it with you guys! I'm going back to Star Wars stories! At least the characters there don't argue with me!
OBI-WAN -- Wanna bet?
THE END (I hope...)
A Crazy Continuation